This one’s for my babygirls. Not just my babygirls, but the friends of my babygirls, and their friends and their friends, and any other babygirls that are starting or restarting their journey into adulthood.
I had a mammogram today. And while the technician was doing all the technical stuff, I was asking her a bunch of questions out of curiosity and to detract from the awkwardness that I alone bring into any social scenario, but particularly this one. I asked her how many mammograms she does in a day (15ish) if she likes doing it (loves it, looks forward to going to work) and if she set out to do this from the start. She then told me her story which was twisty and turny and so interesting. Short answer: No. It kind of happened by accident along the way and after different opportunities kept presenting themselves, and she took them. I loved it. The mammogram wasn’t bad either y’all. Don’t let anybody scare you. When your time comes – just suck it up and go.
It reminded me of something I’ve been thinking about quite a bit lately. And that’s the premise of “finding your purpose” or your passion, or whatever you want to call it. It sure seems like there’s a lot of talk about this – everywhere you look someone is talking about going to their job that they love because doesn’t feel like work. And I have to say, I feel like it puts a ton of pressure on an already pressure-filled time in life for young people. I have had my young adult daughters say to me more than once, “What if I don’t know what that is yet?”
It’s the end game, of course. Punching that elusive golden ticket, where someone pays you money for doing something you already love to do. And I strongly believe that our creator puts some special sauce into each of us – after all, why wouldn’t he? When he takes the time to give us our very own DNA, our own code of authenticity that belongs only to us – once and only once – in the sea of all of humanity? It’s really not up for debate. You have something that sits original and unique deep in the cells that belong only to you.
But listen up, bby girls: Pinning that “thing” down is just not all that easy.
It’s unfair, because your brains (which are not even done growing yet, by the way – I’m jealous of that fact and SO wish my stagnant brain was still a developmental sponge) are bombarded with beautiful images of beautiful people wearing beautiful clothing starting out into a beautiful abyss…. holding a Starbucks. What is that? The constant holding of the Starbucks? Anyway, I digress – they are always looking so casual and effortless, and believable. And your life is hard…you have a paper due tomorrow that you haven’t started yet, and you’re wearing the same sweatshirt you’ve been wearing for the past four days, and there’s that cute boy again that you’d love to talk to but you just don’t know what to say, and you have $27 in your checking account. Which is all the actual real world normal – believe DAT.
That’s why it’s imperative to remember this simple truth. In the beginning of anything big and important, we do what we must. And typically it is not glamorous or pretty or even that good.
Some folks are lucky, and they know what they want to do from a young age. But sometimes… MOST of the time… we all do what we must in the beginning of adulthood. We do what we must at first, because it is simply the first step of your very long and epic journey.
Life is kind of like deciding to hike the Pacific Crest Trail, like Cheryl Strayed. You get all geeked up to do it, you get the boots and a backpack and all your supplies, and it’s so exciting. You have it all planned out in your head and on paper. And then the day arrives, and you’re dumped at the start of the trail and you realize… Oh. I have to actually do it now. And then you do what you must: You do the undocumented, laborious, HARD, unglamorous work of making your way along the trail. (Sidenote: It should be said that I’ve never hiked anything that required more than a single bottle of water. If you haven’t, please read Wild by Cheryl Strayed. AMAZING).
And in doing what we must, it allows us time to grow into who we are meant to be. I did not dream of staying at home with four children and changing diapers and doing laundry and driving a minivan for the bulk of my adult life. I did that because it was what was best for my family, given our particular set of circumstances. Even though it was not my dream, I’m still really proud of that choice. And some people – a LOT of people – do what they must their entire lives. And to me there is a great amount of nobility in that, that really cannot be quantified or measured by money or accolades or attention. Pretty sure those are the folks that get the fast pass through the Pearly Gates.
I’m starting to find my groove at the ripe old age of 47. It goes fast, guys. I think what it really boils down to is actually quite simple: What do you feel good doing? What feels natural to you? What is something that you do that feels almost effortless, that lights you up on the inside? I have one daughter that answers that question with…. wait for it…… Math.
MATH, Y’ALL.
Ew, David. But still – proving my point, our creator put these things inside of us, and it doesn’t matter what that “thing” is, and that’s what makes all of us freaky people so dang beautiful. Own it, be proud of it. Sharpen those pencils and get your geek on. Truthfully, other people wish they had the talent that you possess naturally.
What I really want to say is this: You have time. You truly do. Your life is a marathon but not in the kill-me-now kind of way, more in the we have a long way go and we know it kind of way. If you are in college, you are in a super cool space in life where almost everyone around you is your same age and in your same boat – that won’t come around for you again. Enjoy being in that boat every single day, even when waters aren’t still, because you will be asked to disembark in the blink of an eye. Seek out the people that make you feel great, and intentionally put yourself in their path… it’s the key to making yourself great too. Take some naps. Go to concerts. Take some really deep breaths and remind yourself that it’s all going to be okay. Because it is.
Dream your very biggest wildest craziest dreams. Set some lofty goals. And reach as high as you can for them…. while first doing what you must.
Try not to worry so much. You have time.
